Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Our Silly Little Girl

I started out in a grocery store parking lot.  I picked up the baby from the cart and gave her to Josh to put in her car seat.  She was about 2-3 months old.  Josh and I got in the car and started driving when I heard a noise and turned around to see her out of her car seat and sitting in the middle on the regular seat!  She was also not so little and was now about 7 months old.  I panicked at the sight of her not in her seat but she was pumped and celebrating that she got loose.  I told Josh to stop as we were still driving through the parking lot and I picked her up and strapped her into her seat.  I said, "What are you doing?!!!"  As I went to put her seat belt on, she started to freak out cause she didn't want to go back in.  I calmed her down and said, "You silly little girl" and tickled her and she was happy again.  Then we went back to driving...

It seemed like such an every day kind of dream... but so special to me.  I've been very afraid to have kids because I'm worried that I won't be a good mother- I won't know what to do, I'll be too mean, they won't like me, etc.  In the dream, I really believed she was my little girl and it came so naturally and easy. It's strange how dreams can give you the confidence you didn't know you had.  When I woke up I started crying because she was mine... and waking up took her away.  Dreams can be cruel in that way.  She was so beautiful.  Her skin was like mine but a little bit lighter.  She had really short hair but on the top of her head, she had a long tuft that we put in an elastic so it looked like a palm tree.  Her head was a little too big for her body but it was cute.  She had Josh's face shape with big cheeks.  She had his eyes too.  She had my features though- my mouth and nose.  She was so funny and sweet... Will this be my daughter some day?  Is she Victoria...????