Friday, February 25, 2011


I'm going to change the names of some of the people in my next dream because I'd like to protect that... I don't like censoring normally but this is one of those things I'd rather not talk about.  This happened last night...

I began in a hotel that was very posh.  All of the furniture and colors of the hotel were black and gray.  I wandered in this hotel without aim but I stumbled upon a hotel room that one of my old friends was in.  "Lauren" and I used to be good friends but I was not happy to see her.  I told her to go away and that she didn't belong in that room.  I hated seeing her there and felt threatened by her.  She looked at me like she didn't understand but I was strong and knew that she wasn't good.  She quietly left and we didn't talk.  (I find it strange that the relationship I have with this person is different than in my dream... but does have a very cold feeling to it.)  I continued to walk around the hotel until I found a balcony.  I scaled down it into the balcony just below and walked into the hotel room.  I found a woman, Jessica, in bed with a man that I knew wasn't her husband.  I left the room quickly and she followed.  I yelled at her and asked how she could do this to her husband and she said, "Yeah... well... I know... I messed up."  She was very casual about it and it drove me crazy.  I walked away from her and wandered the hotel thinking about how I couldn't believe what she had done.  She didn't give me a reason... she just admitted that she had done it. Which somehow, made me even more crazy!  I hated that she was so casual about admitting it!  I kept thinking that it couldn't be true... that any minute she would say she was just kidding... but she didn't.  She just kept admitting it.  

I have been thinking about what all of this means...  This person I call "Jessica" is someone that I think is near perfect.  She is much older than me and is basically the person I want to be when I get older.  Something that stands out about this dream is the feeling of disbelief.  I know "Jessica" would NEVER do this in real life.  The conclusion I am left with is that in some ways I expect the worst in situations. I expect people to go through a dramatic change.  I have seen some very close people in my life go "crazy" and start to live a completely different life.  I think by this person being "Jessica", a person that I love and admire and want to be when I grow up, I think a fear is shining through that I will in some way change and "go crazy"  I also find it strange that the first girl in the dream, "Lauren" is someone that went "crazy"  

Another dream I had this morning is one about wandering around the Las Vegas strip with random people.  
We were trying to find a hotel room to have a party in but we had to walk very far and I left all of my things in the car.  As we walked forever, with random people including Josh, my friend Larissa, and other people, I felt super confused about where we were going because I just wanted to party.  For some reason, I kept thinking that we were there for a bachelorette party... and that's all I remember.
(This is a picture of me at my bachelorette party in Las Vegas with my bestest girls including Larissa- bottom right)

I am not an advocate of "Dream Interpretation" but I do find it interesting and I feel 80% of the time it is applicable to my dreams.  One site that I like is  On their site, they say "To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking."  So maybe even my dreams are telling me to move on and worry about new things and trust myself.  Interesting... It sounds like good advice so I'll take it.  


Sometimes I wake up from dreams that are very scary and feelings linger with me.  This particular dream had me feeling so strange.  

I was in a 3 story building when the basement collapsed and the other stories fell.  The floors had different things on them and one was a retail store.  I watched the damage untouched from the inside of the building on one of the upper floors.  I fell with the building but I still stood perfectly without a stumble.  I watched as all around me there were bodies covered in rubble.  I noticed that there were Best Buy check out stands nearby that fell as well... I can remember the yellow tag logos vividly.  I tried to help as other people outside the building came in to help too but no one survived.  I talked to someone that came in and I felt catatonic.  I told them that 84 people died.  I didn't count the bodies, I didn't know what was going on in the building but I knew that there were 84 people that were in there and they all died.  I couldn't move and I just stood as other people ran around trying to pull people out.  

I woke up sweaty and feeling disbelief.  I woke up Josh and turned on the light but mostly just sat stunned for awhile not knowing what to do.  I felt very scared and had a hard time going back to sleep until Josh talked to me a bit and held me.  I have no idea what the 84 means.  I find it also very interesting that I stood by and watched everything untouched.  Crazy.  

What dreams are made of...

This dream is EXTREMELY special to me.  I like it.  

I don't know where I was.  There was no background noise, nothing to sit on, just me and a little girl about 3 or 4 years old.  I knew who she was but she didn't know me.  I crouched down at her level and talked to her.  She was very happy and had beautiful wavy dirty blonde hair and olivey skin.  For some reason, I think I remember her wearing a turtleneck with a dress over it.  She kept smiling at me.  I noticed that her facial features were a little small for a little girl... I thought that was strange.  But she was very nice and spoke clearly and kindly.  Even though I knew who she was and she didn't know me, I asked her questions... kind of like an interview.  I asked her name and she said, "Victoria."  I said, "That's a very nice name..." She said, "Yes!  I'm named after a queen.  Queen Victoria.  She was the queen of England and I was named that because that's where my parents met."  I said, "That is very nice..."  I asked her a bunch of other questions but I don't remember any of it.  The strange thing about this little girl was that, I knew I was her mother.  The strange thing was that we spoke to each other as equals... I may have been more grown than her but that didn't matter.  I was her mother and she didn't know it.  I knew she was talking about me and Josh that met in London... it wasn't strange to me at all either.  I just smiled in my dream and talked to her as if I didn't know who she was.  

I eventually woke up after a series of questions that I don't remember now.  Is this my daughter?  Were we in heaven talking?  Is this what I am meant to name her?  Victoria?  Why were her facial features small?  So many questions... I LOVE these sorts of dreams.  (The above picture is of Queen Victoria at 4 years old.) 

Joel McHale and Sarah Nitta?!

A few nights ago I had a dream about Joel McHale again.  

I was at a house where there were a bunch of little kids.  There was a little girl that I knew I was in charge of babysitting and she was very cute.  Joel kept following me around and we talked about running away together.  I told him I needed to think about it because I didn't feel good about it.  The little girl fell asleep during nap time with the other kids and I asked someone to watch her.  I got in a car and started driving.  As I drove a massive SUV of sorts, I thought about Josh.  Joel is older than Josh and I didn't feel like Joel and I were very compatible.  Then I thought about how Josh was perfect for me- he was my age, fun, had everything in common and I resolved to tell Joel when I got back that I wasn't for him.  In the midst of my thoughts, a car pulled up next to me and it was the mother of  the little girl was there asking me why I was not with her daughter.  The mother was Sarah Nitta from the Biggest Loser... strange... (she married into a family that I know in real life).  I calmly explained that she was asleep and was being watched at the party.  She was angry at first then understood. We drove our separate ways and that was that.

Gwen Stefani Again

The last couple weeks have been interesting.  I've had some crazy stuff going on and I end up staying up late so I took sleeping pills.  They put you in a weird sleep so I didn't really dream during that time.  It is strange that I had a noticeable difference after certain events took place last week.  My dreams changed completely.  That's just a little background before we go into my dreams.

Sometime after 2/19/11:  I can't remember much of it but I had a dream that I was in the running for an amazing job.  It was like a reality tv show looking to employ someone.  I did really good and moved through rounds until they wanted us to perform like circus freaks.  Then they said it was a joke and I laughed and wandered around the hotel.  As I walked around I saw Gwen Stefani.  I asked her if she would take a picture and she was really cool about it.  She was very nice.  She and I ended up becoming friends somehow.  My sister Natalie showed up and hung out with us as we walked around the hotel.  I can't remember much now but I thought Gwen was beautiful and very nice.  

A few days later I had a similar dream... I can't remember anything about it at the moment but I know I saw Gwen Stefani again... (Also, I love her cardigan in this picture... I love cardigans...)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Last night was really unpleasant.  I haven't been feeling quite right lately.  I felt achey and I had a low fever.  On top of that, I had the most terrible dreams back to back.  Like, waking up out of breath and needing to calm down...

I started in a beautiful resort.  I was in an open, no walls, dining room.  You could look down and out to the ocean and a beautiful white sand beach.  Josh and I were eating food and I said, "We should go down on the beach when we are done eating... we'll play in the waves... not too far though... just standing in the water sounds nice."  So, we finished our meal and started to get up when we heard a few surprised screams.  We looked out toward the ocean and saw that the waves were crashing up on the dining room area.  People on the beach were getting hit hard with the waves that were coming farther and farther up on shore.  

Josh and I watched, stunned, at waves that were crashing on the dining room.  People were getting up and starting to leave.  I remembered that my family was there at the resort too and my sisters were on the beach.  I went to go down there in between big sets that I could see rolling in.  (As a kid, I spent lots of time at the beach with my Dad and listened to him talk about how "sets" of waves would roll in.  He loved to surf and told me how those sets would bring in good waves to ride and if you watched the ocean you could see them roll in.  Came in handy in my dreams... )  Well, I ran down to the beach to find that my Dad, Dana, sisters, and brother were down on the beach struggling to get to higher ground.  Dana and Dad were trying to hold a tarp over our heads to help us have air so I helped hold the baby while Josh helped my sisters and hold the tarp.  The waves completely engulfed us a few times but we still kept going.  The waves eased up for a moment and we all walked up the beach.  We walked up some steps to the main area of the resort and talked about how it was not normal.  Josh and I had a view of the ocean from our room so everyone went up there and watch the ocean.  We knew that if we saw the ocean start to pull out there would be a tsunami.  

Josh and I talked about needing to be prepared.  Just then, I saw my uncle Al and my grandpa walking around and I told them they should be careful and keep a watch out.  Suddenly I noticed that Josh was gone!  I started screaming for him and didn't know what to do.  I looked down at the beach and just then noticed that all of the water started pulling away from the shore.  I started to panic while looking for Josh!  Just then, he showed up fully dressed, wearing a trench coat with a cup with matches and a fire or something.  I said, "Where did you go?!"  and he said, "Preparing!  I wanted to get some stuff together just in case something happens!  I'm ready!"  (This is not far from real life at all.  Josh is very into emergency preparedness.  I think I also laughed in my dreams cause he was so sweet and prepared.)  Just then, I thought about my family.  I realized that they were still up in the room and we needed to get them too. I also started to panic that I didn't have anything but a bathing suit and a cover up on me and that I needed shoes and my phone and other things.  Suddenly, I realized Josh wasn't there any more.  He had taken off running again and I really began to panic.  People were running past me up a hill to get to safety and I wouldn't leave without him.  Just then, he emerged with my family with him.  I said, "Where did you go?!"  and he said, "To get our family of course!  They were at the room and I got them to come with us!  Lets go!"  

We started to run and I woke up...

I don't normally find meaning in a dream... they just seem to be whatever they are but this was was different.

-  The fact that my Dad, Dana, and Josh are holding the tarp over our heads means something.  They each mean a lot to me but they are also the people that I look to for advice and comfort.  I know that all 3 of them protect me and my sisters from a lot.
-  I thought in the dream that it was weird that I was holding my brother and that Dana wasn't but I remember the feeling I had in the dream- I wanted him to live so badly.  I would have given my life to protect him.  Even though he and I are so far apart in age, I have an unexplainable amount of love for him.  I absolutely adore him.  I wish he was able to come from heaven sooner.
-  When I have a dream with my sisters in it, they are ALWAYS in their 3 to 5 year old selves.  They also look just like they did when they were young.  I am also usually protecting them.  I have had lots of dreams where danger is approaching and I pick both of them up in my arms and run as fast as I can.  The fact that they are their 14 and 16 year old present selves, makes me feel... better.  My Dad and Dana were protecting them and although I was there helping, I didn't feel the pressure of doing it on my own.  I feel that way in real life too.  They have both grown up to be strong and intelligent.  I also know that Dad and Dana keep a close watch on them to protect them from life's heartaches.  I know that Josh frequently worries about them also- from their grades to what boys they like to what they are in to.
-  I have never felt so much panic in a dream.  I knew in my dream that Josh didn't leave me because I knew he was trying to help me.  But just those moments of being without him... wow.  They hurt!  When I woke up from my dream, Josh was next to me and I kept telling him that if he was going somewhere, I would go too.  Even if it was dangerous, I'm going too.  This dream can't even express the measure of love I have for Josh.  He means everything to me.

Although it was a hard dream it was happy in some ways.  It emphasized the fact that I love my family and I know I can count on them.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Super Bowl In My Mind

Apparently my mind keeps up with world events.

I had a dream last night that I tried to sneak into the Super Bowl with some friends. I walked up to the stadium and started talking to the guard... which also turned out to be my uncle Al.  He slyly let me in and instead of being lead into the stadium, I was lead into a posh room with the game on a theater size screen.  It was dark and really nice.  My aunt Jen handed me a plate of kufta, fried chicken, and buffalo chicken wings.  It was delicious.  Then the rest of my cousins showed up in the theater and started acting insane.  Some how I was in charge of all of them and they were all being little jerks.

That's all I remember...I don't even remember who won or else I could have put money on it.

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Can't remember my dream last night... but I woke up hearing "Check it out" by and Nicki Minaj in my head.  No idea what it means... Although I do remember thinking of the part where she sings, "The DunDun. Yep, in London."

For fun, here is Nicki Minaj on SNL.  Epic.

Friday, February 4, 2011


I had this dream a few nights ago and I just remembered part of it...

I was in California with Larissa and we went to a party.  I spent most of the night running around looking for white opaque tights for some reason... Either way, I was stressed about it but Larissa was a good friend and helped me.  Even though I couldn't find any, I was really excited Larissa was there with me to hang out.  I kept telling here I missed her.

Man, I'm pathetic in my dreams.  Haha!  

Gwen Stefani & Larissa

Last night I had some intense dreams.  I don't know exactly what was going on in each of them but they were disturbing.  I woke up about 3 times because I was breathing hard/crying.  I only remember bits and pieces of 2 dreams.

Dream #1

I started out backstage at a concert.  I saw Tony Kanal, bassist of No Doubt, and for some reason started decorating him with that tinsel garland stuff.  He wasn't very fun about it. He was tied up or something.  Then he ran up the stage to go play.  

I walked behind him a ways and realized I was backstage at a big festival.  I walked up to the stage with no security bothering me and I noticed Gwen Stefani sitting off on the side of the stage.  The crowd opened up and I could see a HUGE audience.  Like, festival size audience.  I walked over to Gwen and was sooo nervous.  Before I knew it, we were friends.  She seemed kinda lonely so I sat and chatted with her about random things.  She had young twin sisters that came up to talk to her and she called them Chicken.  I said, "You call them Chicken???  I have a little sister that I call Chicken!  No way!"  Well, we continued to chat and just then I noticed some friends out in the crowd that could see me from the side.  They were waving at me and pointing to Gwen and cheering for me.  I could see my friend Marie pulling out her camera to take pictures of Gwen and I hanging out and I was so excited cause I really wanted to remember that moment with a picture.  Well, Gwen and I were chatting when the whole world got flipped upside down.  Literally.  

The stage was a massive underside of a boat on land and it flipped over and rolled onto the crowd.  There were thousands of people that were trapped and mashed under the boat.  Gwen was freaking out but I told her it was ok.  I jumped up and tried to help as many people as I could but people were dying left and right.  I was worried about Marie but I couldn't get over to her... I don't know if she was able to get away but I woke up startled as I was running really fast to help people.  

Dream #2

I found myself in London at my old flat.  I walked through the door and I was so happy.  I kept telling everyone that I couldn't believe I was in London and that it had been too long since I was there.  For some reason, I realized I had my baby brother Cash with me... in my dream I could hardly believe that my Dad let me bring him with me.  (Weird.) Some people who I don't like were there and so I ignored them and walked upstairs to my old room.  My roommate Larissa was there and I gave her a big hug.  We quickly started chatting and spazzing out.  I said hello to the new girls that lived there cause I didn't know them.  They were very nice and asked me what I was doing back in London.  I suddenly realized that I was going to be in a beauty pageant and I didn't have my dress or make up and I was due to be there in an hour!  They quickly started pulling out dresses they owned and would let me borrow.  They were very nice!  Then I wondered would I would do with Cash!  Larissa said, "Don't worry!  I'll watch him while you're on stage!"  We then got ready to rush out the door and get to the pageant.... I woke up before I could find out if I won.  I like to think I did.  

Music to My Dream Ears

I don't know if this is a theme that will keep going but I have noticed that past 2 weeks, I always wake up with a song in my head.  I wish I would have kept track of the songs and the dream I had that night but as far as I can tell, there is no correlation.  It seems strange that my dream is hazy and yet I wake up clearly singing a song in my head.

Here are some of the songs:

- "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)" by Jay-Z
- "Don't Let Go" by Weezer  (really, brain????")
- "Super Bass" by Nicki Minaj
- " I Wonder If I Take You Home" by Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam

I can't remember all of them... I'll have to start writing the song done along with the dream.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Drunken Mess

I started out on a beach.  I was with my friend Jen and we walked along a beach until it started to get dark. It seemed like we were in California.  We then went into a cafe where we met a bunch of people.  Everyone was really loud and obnoxious.  I didn't really want to be there cause the guys were douche bags and annoying.  I'm talking, frat boys who say things like, "Siiiiiick!"

A frequent thing that happens in my dreams is that one person will turn into another... like once I had a dream that I kissed a guy and after we kissed and I pulled back, I was kissing his twin.  Really strange... back to the story...

So Jen turned into my friend Celia.  She got really drunk and started talking about how she and I used to hang out at the Hukilau Cafe.  (Celia and I tried to hula to the Hukilau song in Hawaii when we were in 7th grade... maybe I'm having a flashback...)  She said it like we were the OG Hukilau Cafe goers.  I rolled my eyes cause she was acting crazy.  She was crunk!  These guys really wanted us to go to their place cause they were having a big party.  I didn't want to go but she did so I wanted to be a good friend and be her wing woman.  We got to the 3rd floor of a condo and lots of people were there.  I decided to hang out on the balcony with some people but after awhile, Celia went inside.  I sat down on the ground and accidentally fell asleep.  I woke up a few hours later  that looked like 5 or 6am before the sun comes up.  It was blue outside and I jumped up to find Celia.  I found her in this guy's bed in her underwear asleep.  I woke her up and started freaking out.  She was still really drunk and I rushed around to find her clothes.  We were both panicking as we realized what she did and ran out of there.  

It was such an awkward dream.  I woke up feeling really sad for Celia and weird... but then I realized that she is a sensible person and an exceptionally good person.  Whew...