The last few weeks have been full of mundane dreams. I'm at the store... I see a friend... I do something boring. Then about 4 nights ago I started dreaming again...
I start out in a scene that is semi chaotic and moving quickly. I'm saying goodbye to family and walking out the front door of my Dad's house. In my dream it's like I had spent a lot of time with the family and was saying goodbye but for some reason, the dream started when I was leaving and I felt cheated. Josh opens the door to the car for me and I get in. Suddenly, I realize that I am leaving my family and I don't want to go. I tell Josh to pull over and run out and start hugging everyone. I tell him I can't go yet because I haven't hugged and kissed everyone.
I get out of the car and run to the nearest person, Dana. I give her a big hug and a kiss and don't want to go. Then I hug my Dad and aunts. I see my uncle Lee carrying a car seat with a little baby inside and he says it's his baby. The baby is a little boy and he has lots of hair and looks a couple weeks old and is gorgeous. I look down at my other cousins looking on and I see my brother- Cash Monkey! I say hello and he asks me to pick him up and I scoop him up and hug and kiss him. I tell him that I love him and miss him and we sit down on a rocking patio chair. He sits on my lap twists around to put his arms around my neck and rests his head on my chest. I sit there rocking back and forth as he pats my arm and falls asleep. My aunt Dee walks up and says, "He's precious isn't he?" and I say, "Yes... I never want to move." I sit there rocking him until I wake up...
I woke up with blankets wadded up on my chest that felt like the weight of Monkey leaning on me. I felt so sad. I adore my little brother... although we aren't even close in age... there is something about him that seems miraculous. I am a part of a religion that believes that children are innocent and I believe that but it's more than that... I can feel that he is special. He has the brightest smile and radiates love. He is special. I know it. I miss that little Monkey.
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tsunami
Last night was really unpleasant. I haven't been feeling quite right lately. I felt achey and I had a low fever. On top of that, I had the most terrible dreams back to back. Like, waking up out of breath and needing to calm down...
I started in a beautiful resort. I was in an open, no walls, dining room. You could look down and out to the ocean and a beautiful white sand beach. Josh and I were eating food and I said, "We should go down on the beach when we are done eating... we'll play in the waves... not too far though... just standing in the water sounds nice." So, we finished our meal and started to get up when we heard a few surprised screams. We looked out toward the ocean and saw that the waves were crashing up on the dining room area. People on the beach were getting hit hard with the waves that were coming farther and farther up on shore.
Josh and I watched, stunned, at waves that were crashing on the dining room. People were getting up and starting to leave. I remembered that my family was there at the resort too and my sisters were on the beach. I went to go down there in between big sets that I could see rolling in. (As a kid, I spent lots of time at the beach with my Dad and listened to him talk about how "sets" of waves would roll in. He loved to surf and told me how those sets would bring in good waves to ride and if you watched the ocean you could see them roll in. Came in handy in my dreams... ) Well, I ran down to the beach to find that my Dad, Dana, sisters, and brother were down on the beach struggling to get to higher ground. Dana and Dad were trying to hold a tarp over our heads to help us have air so I helped hold the baby while Josh helped my sisters and hold the tarp. The waves completely engulfed us a few times but we still kept going. The waves eased up for a moment and we all walked up the beach. We walked up some steps to the main area of the resort and talked about how it was not normal. Josh and I had a view of the ocean from our room so everyone went up there and watch the ocean. We knew that if we saw the ocean start to pull out there would be a tsunami.
Josh and I talked about needing to be prepared. Just then, I saw my uncle Al and my grandpa walking around and I told them they should be careful and keep a watch out. Suddenly I noticed that Josh was gone! I started screaming for him and didn't know what to do. I looked down at the beach and just then noticed that all of the water started pulling away from the shore. I started to panic while looking for Josh! Just then, he showed up fully dressed, wearing a trench coat with a cup with matches and a fire or something. I said, "Where did you go?!" and he said, "Preparing! I wanted to get some stuff together just in case something happens! I'm ready!" (This is not far from real life at all. Josh is very into emergency preparedness. I think I also laughed in my dreams cause he was so sweet and prepared.) Just then, I thought about my family. I realized that they were still up in the room and we needed to get them too. I also started to panic that I didn't have anything but a bathing suit and a cover up on me and that I needed shoes and my phone and other things. Suddenly, I realized Josh wasn't there any more. He had taken off running again and I really began to panic. People were running past me up a hill to get to safety and I wouldn't leave without him. Just then, he emerged with my family with him. I said, "Where did you go?!" and he said, "To get our family of course! They were at the room and I got them to come with us! Lets go!"
We started to run and I woke up...
I don't normally find meaning in a dream... they just seem to be whatever they are but this was was different.
- The fact that my Dad, Dana, and Josh are holding the tarp over our heads means something. They each mean a lot to me but they are also the people that I look to for advice and comfort. I know that all 3 of them protect me and my sisters from a lot.
- I thought in the dream that it was weird that I was holding my brother and that Dana wasn't but I remember the feeling I had in the dream- I wanted him to live so badly. I would have given my life to protect him. Even though he and I are so far apart in age, I have an unexplainable amount of love for him. I absolutely adore him. I wish he was able to come from heaven sooner.
- When I have a dream with my sisters in it, they are ALWAYS in their 3 to 5 year old selves. They also look just like they did when they were young. I am also usually protecting them. I have had lots of dreams where danger is approaching and I pick both of them up in my arms and run as fast as I can. The fact that they are their 14 and 16 year old present selves, makes me feel... better. My Dad and Dana were protecting them and although I was there helping, I didn't feel the pressure of doing it on my own. I feel that way in real life too. They have both grown up to be strong and intelligent. I also know that Dad and Dana keep a close watch on them to protect them from life's heartaches. I know that Josh frequently worries about them also- from their grades to what boys they like to what they are in to.
- I have never felt so much panic in a dream. I knew in my dream that Josh didn't leave me because I knew he was trying to help me. But just those moments of being without him... wow. They hurt! When I woke up from my dream, Josh was next to me and I kept telling him that if he was going somewhere, I would go too. Even if it was dangerous, I'm going too. This dream can't even express the measure of love I have for Josh. He means everything to me.
Although it was a hard dream it was happy in some ways. It emphasized the fact that I love my family and I know I can count on them.
I started in a beautiful resort. I was in an open, no walls, dining room. You could look down and out to the ocean and a beautiful white sand beach. Josh and I were eating food and I said, "We should go down on the beach when we are done eating... we'll play in the waves... not too far though... just standing in the water sounds nice." So, we finished our meal and started to get up when we heard a few surprised screams. We looked out toward the ocean and saw that the waves were crashing up on the dining room area. People on the beach were getting hit hard with the waves that were coming farther and farther up on shore.
Josh and I watched, stunned, at waves that were crashing on the dining room. People were getting up and starting to leave. I remembered that my family was there at the resort too and my sisters were on the beach. I went to go down there in between big sets that I could see rolling in. (As a kid, I spent lots of time at the beach with my Dad and listened to him talk about how "sets" of waves would roll in. He loved to surf and told me how those sets would bring in good waves to ride and if you watched the ocean you could see them roll in. Came in handy in my dreams... ) Well, I ran down to the beach to find that my Dad, Dana, sisters, and brother were down on the beach struggling to get to higher ground. Dana and Dad were trying to hold a tarp over our heads to help us have air so I helped hold the baby while Josh helped my sisters and hold the tarp. The waves completely engulfed us a few times but we still kept going. The waves eased up for a moment and we all walked up the beach. We walked up some steps to the main area of the resort and talked about how it was not normal. Josh and I had a view of the ocean from our room so everyone went up there and watch the ocean. We knew that if we saw the ocean start to pull out there would be a tsunami.
Josh and I talked about needing to be prepared. Just then, I saw my uncle Al and my grandpa walking around and I told them they should be careful and keep a watch out. Suddenly I noticed that Josh was gone! I started screaming for him and didn't know what to do. I looked down at the beach and just then noticed that all of the water started pulling away from the shore. I started to panic while looking for Josh! Just then, he showed up fully dressed, wearing a trench coat with a cup with matches and a fire or something. I said, "Where did you go?!" and he said, "Preparing! I wanted to get some stuff together just in case something happens! I'm ready!" (This is not far from real life at all. Josh is very into emergency preparedness. I think I also laughed in my dreams cause he was so sweet and prepared.) Just then, I thought about my family. I realized that they were still up in the room and we needed to get them too. I also started to panic that I didn't have anything but a bathing suit and a cover up on me and that I needed shoes and my phone and other things. Suddenly, I realized Josh wasn't there any more. He had taken off running again and I really began to panic. People were running past me up a hill to get to safety and I wouldn't leave without him. Just then, he emerged with my family with him. I said, "Where did you go?!" and he said, "To get our family of course! They were at the room and I got them to come with us! Lets go!"
We started to run and I woke up...
I don't normally find meaning in a dream... they just seem to be whatever they are but this was was different.
- The fact that my Dad, Dana, and Josh are holding the tarp over our heads means something. They each mean a lot to me but they are also the people that I look to for advice and comfort. I know that all 3 of them protect me and my sisters from a lot.
- I thought in the dream that it was weird that I was holding my brother and that Dana wasn't but I remember the feeling I had in the dream- I wanted him to live so badly. I would have given my life to protect him. Even though he and I are so far apart in age, I have an unexplainable amount of love for him. I absolutely adore him. I wish he was able to come from heaven sooner.
- When I have a dream with my sisters in it, they are ALWAYS in their 3 to 5 year old selves. They also look just like they did when they were young. I am also usually protecting them. I have had lots of dreams where danger is approaching and I pick both of them up in my arms and run as fast as I can. The fact that they are their 14 and 16 year old present selves, makes me feel... better. My Dad and Dana were protecting them and although I was there helping, I didn't feel the pressure of doing it on my own. I feel that way in real life too. They have both grown up to be strong and intelligent. I also know that Dad and Dana keep a close watch on them to protect them from life's heartaches. I know that Josh frequently worries about them also- from their grades to what boys they like to what they are in to.- I have never felt so much panic in a dream. I knew in my dream that Josh didn't leave me because I knew he was trying to help me. But just those moments of being without him... wow. They hurt! When I woke up from my dream, Josh was next to me and I kept telling him that if he was going somewhere, I would go too. Even if it was dangerous, I'm going too. This dream can't even express the measure of love I have for Josh. He means everything to me.
Although it was a hard dream it was happy in some ways. It emphasized the fact that I love my family and I know I can count on them.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
France and other sweet things
Lately I've been dreaming A LOT. Every time I fall asleep and wake up, I've had a dream. Even if I sleep for an hour, I'll dream. So, here are a jumble of dreams I've had lately.
1) There were about 8 people in a small house but I was in the kitchen with Grandma Dianne. We were sitting at a table and talking for a long time just chatting and drinking lemonade. It was sweet and lovely.
2) More arguing and frustrating dreams.... I spent most of this particular dream trying to organize and get ready for what was my UNLV graduation. I cleaned and put everything in its place until lots of family showed up to stay in my room. It quickly turned into an unorganized mess. When I tried to shower and get ready in time and everyone was getting in my way, someone from my family showed up and said, "Hurry up! If you aren't ready, we'll leave without you. Let other people get things done too. This day isn't all about you!" When clearly it was! I was the one graduating! Frustrating...
3) I had a random dream in there where I was in a school room full of random people and 6 guys that I've kissed before. Ugh. I spent a good part of the dream trying to dodge all of them.
4) Speaking of ex-boyfriends, I had a dream about a particular one that called me and wanted to get back together. I listened to him ramble on about how he was doing this and that and thought it would win me over. I felt really weird as I said, "Have you not looked at facebook and realized I'm married?!" He then told me that I should leave whoever I was with for him because we were meant to be together. I then went on to tell him that he was basically a moron. You know how in the movie "You've Got Mail" Meg Ryan's character explains that she wish she could tell someone off with what she's feeling in the moment? Well, in my dream, I did it. I said all these things about how I married the coolest person on the planet and how he could never compare. It made me feel pretty good... although I don't think I could ever talk to someone that way in real life...
5) This last dream, made me wake up with a smile on my face and laughing.
I started out in an apartment that my husband and I were considering buying. We walked around a beautiful place with a deck. It had white walls and cobalt blue accents in the kitchen. It was gorgeous. Eventually, my family showed up and my uncle Al was walking around telling me how beautiful the place was. Josh told us it was a steal and decided to put in an offer right away. We decided to check out the surrounding complex. It ended up opening up into a high end hostel (is there such a thing?) and then to a beautiful grassy field and eventually a beach. My Dad and I were chattering about how no one else was on the beach and how people were so silly not to be hanging out.
Eventually, a flat bed semi truck came to pick up all of my family for a ride along the coast and I kept talking about how beautiful it was. Josh pulled a laptop out of nowhere and showed me that we were actually in France. I was sooo excited! As we were riding along, my family started complaining about everything. For some reason, two of my old roommates were there. One of them was holding their baby but decided to let their baby roam. One of the other roommates said she would watch it but she was careless and the baby fell off the truck as we were riding along. The kid fell off into some water and started swimming. Everyone was mad but for some reason I was laughing! I knew the baby wasn't hurt so it was hilarious!
Later, my family was walking through some beautiful streets and I was trying to take some pictures but my camera was kind of broken. The old buildings were gorgeous and they opened up into a beautiful panoramic view of a city/valley. There was a big arch in the background that looked like the Wellington arch. My family continued to complain about everything but my uncle Henry was cool and asked me to take his picture. I exclaimed that it was a great idea and someone from my family said, "Well if it's such a good idea, why don't you take a picture instead of taking a picture of us?!" Clearly people were irritated with my excitement of being in a pretty place. So, I handed my camera to my Dad to take our picture and then I woke up.
If only I could move to France...
1) There were about 8 people in a small house but I was in the kitchen with Grandma Dianne. We were sitting at a table and talking for a long time just chatting and drinking lemonade. It was sweet and lovely. 2) More arguing and frustrating dreams.... I spent most of this particular dream trying to organize and get ready for what was my UNLV graduation. I cleaned and put everything in its place until lots of family showed up to stay in my room. It quickly turned into an unorganized mess. When I tried to shower and get ready in time and everyone was getting in my way, someone from my family showed up and said, "Hurry up! If you aren't ready, we'll leave without you. Let other people get things done too. This day isn't all about you!" When clearly it was! I was the one graduating! Frustrating...
3) I had a random dream in there where I was in a school room full of random people and 6 guys that I've kissed before. Ugh. I spent a good part of the dream trying to dodge all of them.
4) Speaking of ex-boyfriends, I had a dream about a particular one that called me and wanted to get back together. I listened to him ramble on about how he was doing this and that and thought it would win me over. I felt really weird as I said, "Have you not looked at facebook and realized I'm married?!" He then told me that I should leave whoever I was with for him because we were meant to be together. I then went on to tell him that he was basically a moron. You know how in the movie "You've Got Mail" Meg Ryan's character explains that she wish she could tell someone off with what she's feeling in the moment? Well, in my dream, I did it. I said all these things about how I married the coolest person on the planet and how he could never compare. It made me feel pretty good... although I don't think I could ever talk to someone that way in real life...
5) This last dream, made me wake up with a smile on my face and laughing.
I started out in an apartment that my husband and I were considering buying. We walked around a beautiful place with a deck. It had white walls and cobalt blue accents in the kitchen. It was gorgeous. Eventually, my family showed up and my uncle Al was walking around telling me how beautiful the place was. Josh told us it was a steal and decided to put in an offer right away. We decided to check out the surrounding complex. It ended up opening up into a high end hostel (is there such a thing?) and then to a beautiful grassy field and eventually a beach. My Dad and I were chattering about how no one else was on the beach and how people were so silly not to be hanging out.
Eventually, a flat bed semi truck came to pick up all of my family for a ride along the coast and I kept talking about how beautiful it was. Josh pulled a laptop out of nowhere and showed me that we were actually in France. I was sooo excited! As we were riding along, my family started complaining about everything. For some reason, two of my old roommates were there. One of them was holding their baby but decided to let their baby roam. One of the other roommates said she would watch it but she was careless and the baby fell off the truck as we were riding along. The kid fell off into some water and started swimming. Everyone was mad but for some reason I was laughing! I knew the baby wasn't hurt so it was hilarious! Later, my family was walking through some beautiful streets and I was trying to take some pictures but my camera was kind of broken. The old buildings were gorgeous and they opened up into a beautiful panoramic view of a city/valley. There was a big arch in the background that looked like the Wellington arch. My family continued to complain about everything but my uncle Henry was cool and asked me to take his picture. I exclaimed that it was a great idea and someone from my family said, "Well if it's such a good idea, why don't you take a picture instead of taking a picture of us?!" Clearly people were irritated with my excitement of being in a pretty place. So, I handed my camera to my Dad to take our picture and then I woke up.
If only I could move to France...
Friday, January 21, 2011
London to Hawaii
I don't remember all of my dreams last night... they were pretty spread out...
1) I was walking around Camden in London with my Dad and he was excited about all the market stuff and punks. We found a bunch of good food and after walking for a long time, I found an arch way that lead to the Thames. (Even though in real life, you could not walk out of the Camden markets and into the Thames.) We walked up some steps and there it was... all foggy and beautiful. I took in a deep breath and said, "I've missed London so much... I don't know what it is... i just feel like this is where I belong..." Then my Dad grabbed my hand and pulled me into the water with him. We swam for a few seconds then got out. It wasn't cold... and the water was blueish gray (not brown like in real life). I woke up aching in my heart for London. Seriously. So much.
2) Josh told me he wanted to go to Hawaii so I started planning everything. Somehow I ended up trying to pack everything but couldn't remember stuff. My dad, mom, and I were in the car driving to the airport when I realized I didn't have my passport (even though I didn't need it). I also realized I didn't have a bathing suit packed an a bunch of other things and started to panic. Luckily, I found them all in the car. Something strange that I noticed was as we were driving in, we had to drive in a lane marked "Nevada/France flights."
I don't remember the flight in but after we got to our house in Hawaii, Josh forgot to tell me that he invited all the kids he teaches in high school. Like, 37 kids. I was so mad. I tried to find a place for them to all sleep but said forget it. I realized I didn't pack any shorts so I went out to buy some. I found a bunch of really cute clothes that my grandma said she would come back and buy for me. She also tried to tell me that I needed to dress sexier. Then I woke up...
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