Our Silly Little Girl

I started out in a grocery store parking lot.  I picked up the baby from the cart and gave her to Josh to put in her car seat.  She was about 2-3 months old.  Josh and I got in the car and started driving when I heard a noise and turned around to see her out of her car seat and sitting in the middle on the regular seat!  She was also not so little and was now about 7 months old.  I panicked at the sight of her not in her seat but she was pumped and celebrating that she got loose.  I told Josh to stop as we were still driving through the parking lot and I picked her up and strapped her into her seat.  I said, "What are you doing?!!!"  As I went to put her seat belt on, she started to freak out cause she didn't want to go back in.  I calmed her down and said, "You silly little girl" and tickled her and she was happy again.  Then we went back to driving...

It seemed like such an every day kind of dream... but so special to me.  I've been very afraid to have kids because I'm worried that I won't be a good mother- I won't know what to do, I'll be too mean, they won't like me, etc.  In the dream, I really believed she was my little girl and it came so naturally and easy. It's strange how dreams can give you the confidence you didn't know you had.  When I woke up I started crying because she was mine... and waking up took her away.  Dreams can be cruel in that way.  She was so beautiful.  Her skin was like mine but a little bit lighter.  She had really short hair but on the top of her head, she had a long tuft that we put in an elastic so it looked like a palm tree.  Her head was a little too big for her body but it was cute.  She had Josh's face shape with big cheeks.  She had his eyes too.  She had my features though- my mouth and nose.  She was so funny and sweet... Will this be my daughter some day?  Is she Victoria...????

Odd Owls

I started to climb a really nice tree as Josh watched me from a car parked just next to the tree.  I had just placed myself in a perfect spot when a bird flew over and sat down right in front of me on the same branch.  I marveled that it was not just a run of the mill bird but an owl.  He looked like a cross between a screech owl or a great horned owl.  He turned his head to look straight at me and was not afraid of me.  For fear that he was going to peck my eyes out, I quickly jumped out of the tree and ran to the car.  I jumped in the drivers seat and shut the door when the owl appeared on the side mirror.  I quickly rolled up the cracks in the window and sped off in the car.  Josh and I marveled at how oddly the owl acted. 

Later, I found myself in a restroom at a restaurant when I saw the owl again.  The owl stood in front of a stall and stared at me.  I felt like he was trying to tell me something.  I leaned forward and said to him, "Ok, look.  I'm trusting you to not peck my eyes out here.... "  I held out my hand and the owl gently climbed on and leaned forward to whisper in my ear.  I don't know if he physically spoke or if he transmitted his message telepathically but I hung on every word he said.  He told me that I was to wear some specific clothing, keep my eyes open, and know that the events to come are meant to happen.  That I was to follow the path that the clothes would start for me.  He told me I was to do exactly as he said and trust it.  

This is almost exactly how the owl looked... but with bigger eyes.

It was not an ominous warning... it wasn't a suggestion either.  It was a firm, matter of fact owl that told me about a very specific journey I would surely take.

I put on the clothes and very subtle things happened.  A comment from a stranger, leading to a classroom full of school kids.  To my niece who insisted on watching a specific movie, to watching it snow on the beaches of California, to running away from strange people, to finding good friends who would lend a hand when I was afraid. 

I woke up this morning and got ready normally.

I looked up a few things about what this dream could mean:

To dream that animals can talk represent superior knowledge. Its message is often some form of wisdom. Alternatively, a talking animal denotes your potential to be all that you can be.

To see an owl in your dream symbolizes wisdom, insight, magic, expanded awareness and virtue. You are highly connected to your intuitive senses and psychic power. The owl is also synonymous with death, darkness and the unconscious. The appearance of an owl may be telling you to let go of the past or certain negative behaviors.

As I told the dream to my husband, I found that I am wearing a sweater that is the exact print and fabric of the pants I was wearing in the dream.  I guess I'll see where this sweater leads me today...

Joel McHale and Sarah Nitta?!

A few nights ago I had a dream about Joel McHale again.  

I was at a house where there were a bunch of little kids.  There was a little girl that I knew I was in charge of babysitting and she was very cute.  Joel kept following me around and we talked about running away together.  I told him I needed to think about it because I didn't feel good about it.  The little girl fell asleep during nap time with the other kids and I asked someone to watch her.  I got in a car and started driving.  As I drove a massive SUV of sorts, I thought about Josh.  Joel is older than Josh and I didn't feel like Joel and I were very compatible.  Then I thought about how Josh was perfect for me- he was my age, fun, had everything in common and I resolved to tell Joel when I got back that I wasn't for him.  In the midst of my thoughts, a car pulled up next to me and it was the mother of  the little girl was there asking me why I was not with her daughter.  The mother was Sarah Nitta from the Biggest Loser... strange... (she married into a family that I know in real life).  I calmly explained that she was asleep and was being watched at the party.  She was angry at first then understood. We drove our separate ways and that was that.

Tsunami

Last night was really unpleasant.  I haven't been feeling quite right lately.  I felt achey and I had a low fever.  On top of that, I had the most terrible dreams back to back.  Like, waking up out of breath and needing to calm down...

I started in a beautiful resort.  I was in an open, no walls, dining room.  You could look down and out to the ocean and a beautiful white sand beach.  Josh and I were eating food and I said, "We should go down on the beach when we are done eating... we'll play in the waves... not too far though... just standing in the water sounds nice."  So, we finished our meal and started to get up when we heard a few surprised screams.  We looked out toward the ocean and saw that the waves were crashing up on the dining room area.  People on the beach were getting hit hard with the waves that were coming farther and farther up on shore.  


Josh and I watched, stunned, at waves that were crashing on the dining room.  People were getting up and starting to leave.  I remembered that my family was there at the resort too and my sisters were on the beach.  I went to go down there in between big sets that I could see rolling in.  (As a kid, I spent lots of time at the beach with my Dad and listened to him talk about how "sets" of waves would roll in.  He loved to surf and told me how those sets would bring in good waves to ride and if you watched the ocean you could see them roll in.  Came in handy in my dreams... )  Well, I ran down to the beach to find that my Dad, Dana, sisters, and brother were down on the beach struggling to get to higher ground.  Dana and Dad were trying to hold a tarp over our heads to help us have air so I helped hold the baby while Josh helped my sisters and hold the tarp.  The waves completely engulfed us a few times but we still kept going.  The waves eased up for a moment and we all walked up the beach.  We walked up some steps to the main area of the resort and talked about how it was not normal.  Josh and I had a view of the ocean from our room so everyone went up there and watch the ocean.  We knew that if we saw the ocean start to pull out there would be a tsunami.  


Josh and I talked about needing to be prepared.  Just then, I saw my uncle Al and my grandpa walking around and I told them they should be careful and keep a watch out.  Suddenly I noticed that Josh was gone!  I started screaming for him and didn't know what to do.  I looked down at the beach and just then noticed that all of the water started pulling away from the shore.  I started to panic while looking for Josh!  Just then, he showed up fully dressed, wearing a trench coat with a cup with matches and a fire or something.  I said, "Where did you go?!"  and he said, "Preparing!  I wanted to get some stuff together just in case something happens!  I'm ready!"  (This is not far from real life at all.  Josh is very into emergency preparedness.  I think I also laughed in my dreams cause he was so sweet and prepared.)  Just then, I thought about my family.  I realized that they were still up in the room and we needed to get them too. I also started to panic that I didn't have anything but a bathing suit and a cover up on me and that I needed shoes and my phone and other things.  Suddenly, I realized Josh wasn't there any more.  He had taken off running again and I really began to panic.  People were running past me up a hill to get to safety and I wouldn't leave without him.  Just then, he emerged with my family with him.  I said, "Where did you go?!"  and he said, "To get our family of course!  They were at the room and I got them to come with us!  Lets go!"  


We started to run and I woke up...


I don't normally find meaning in a dream... they just seem to be whatever they are but this was was different.

-  The fact that my Dad, Dana, and Josh are holding the tarp over our heads means something.  They each mean a lot to me but they are also the people that I look to for advice and comfort.  I know that all 3 of them protect me and my sisters from a lot.
-  I thought in the dream that it was weird that I was holding my brother and that Dana wasn't but I remember the feeling I had in the dream- I wanted him to live so badly.  I would have given my life to protect him.  Even though he and I are so far apart in age, I have an unexplainable amount of love for him.  I absolutely adore him.  I wish he was able to come from heaven sooner.
-  When I have a dream with my sisters in it, they are ALWAYS in their 3 to 5 year old selves.  They also look just like they did when they were young.  I am also usually protecting them.  I have had lots of dreams where danger is approaching and I pick both of them up in my arms and run as fast as I can.  The fact that they are their 14 and 16 year old present selves, makes me feel... better.  My Dad and Dana were protecting them and although I was there helping, I didn't feel the pressure of doing it on my own.  I feel that way in real life too.  They have both grown up to be strong and intelligent.  I also know that Dad and Dana keep a close watch on them to protect them from life's heartaches.  I know that Josh frequently worries about them also- from their grades to what boys they like to what they are in to.
-  I have never felt so much panic in a dream.  I knew in my dream that Josh didn't leave me because I knew he was trying to help me.  But just those moments of being without him... wow.  They hurt!  When I woke up from my dream, Josh was next to me and I kept telling him that if he was going somewhere, I would go too.  Even if it was dangerous, I'm going too.  This dream can't even express the measure of love I have for Josh.  He means everything to me.

Although it was a hard dream it was happy in some ways.  It emphasized the fact that I love my family and I know I can count on them.

FLB Jr.

Last night was a particularly hard dream... I don't remember many of the specifics... maybe because I was traumatized.

All I remember at this point is that I was sleeping with Josh in a strange room when my grandma woke me up.  She told me my grandpa had died.  I asked how and she said he had died in his sleep.  I immediately started crying and I don't remember too much but its as if time flashed forward-

I was talking to my uncles and they weren't upset.  They said had lived a long life and didn't care.  I then started yelling at all of them that this was my GRANDPA we were talking about and their DAD.

Time then flashed back and I was back with my grandma and Josh.  I started shaking Josh to wake him up to tell him the news and I must have been trying to wake him up so hard that I woke myself up.  In the dream, I was tangled in the blankets and when I woke up, I was also tangled.  I started kicking at the blankets in the dream and also kicking them in real life.

Josh started talking to me and said, "Wake up.  It was only a dream... everything is ok..." (He's no stranger to my intense dreams.  I tell ya, being married and having someone with me sure helps me get through it.)  I don't remember anything specific happening after I woke up but just that I cried for about an hour straight.  I was frustrated that no one cared or was sad about my grandpa and I was crying because I felt that I had lost him.  Even typing this, I'm tearing up just thinking about how much he means to me.  He has always been a source of wisdom and fun.  I don't know what I'd do without him.  I just can't imagine it.

So now... what does it all mean???  I've dreamt of various family members dying and it is always hard.  They haven't come true... nor do anything in my dreams come true... I have been meaning to call my grandpa for about a week now... I guess the only meaning that I can pick up from this dream is that I need to not forget to call.  I need to talk to people and show them how much they mean to me.  So, for all of you readers (which are family and friends), I love you!  I called my grandpa and he is alive and well.  He was out mountain bike riding with my uncle Al.  Yay!

The picture is of me and my grandpa in Scotland.  We were on a boat on Loch Ness looking for Nessie!

France and other sweet things

Lately I've been dreaming A LOT.  Every time I fall asleep and wake up, I've had a dream.  Even if I sleep for an hour, I'll dream.  So, here are a jumble of dreams I've had lately.

1)  There were about 8 people in a small house but I was in the kitchen with Grandma Dianne.  We were sitting at a table and talking for a long time just chatting and drinking lemonade.  It was sweet and lovely.

2)  More arguing and frustrating dreams.... I spent most of this particular dream trying to organize and get ready for what was my UNLV graduation.  I cleaned and put everything in its place until lots of family showed up to stay in my room.  It quickly turned into an unorganized mess.  When I tried to shower and get ready in time and everyone was getting in my way, someone from my family showed up and said, "Hurry up!  If you aren't ready, we'll leave without you.  Let other people get things done too.  This day isn't all about you!"  When clearly it was!  I was the one graduating!  Frustrating...

3) I had a random dream in there where I was in a school room full of random people and 6 guys that I've kissed before.  Ugh.  I spent a good part of the dream trying to dodge all of them.

4)  Speaking of ex-boyfriends, I had a dream about a particular one that called me and wanted to get back together.  I listened to him ramble on about how he was doing this and that and thought it would win me over.  I felt really weird as I said, "Have you not looked at facebook and realized I'm married?!"  He then told me that I should leave whoever I was with for him because we were meant to be together.  I then went on to tell him that he was basically a moron.  You know how in the movie "You've Got Mail" Meg Ryan's character explains that she wish she could tell someone off with what she's feeling in the moment?  Well, in my dream, I did it.  I said all these things about how I married the coolest person on the planet and how he could never compare.  It made me feel pretty good... although I don't think I could ever talk to someone that way in real life...

5)  This last dream, made me wake up with a smile on my face and laughing.

I started out in an apartment that my husband and I were considering buying.  We walked around a beautiful place with a deck.  It had white walls and cobalt blue accents in the kitchen.  It was gorgeous.  Eventually, my family showed up and my uncle Al was walking around telling me how beautiful the place was.  Josh told us it was a steal and decided to put in an offer right away.  We decided to check out the surrounding complex.  It ended up opening up into a high end hostel (is there such a thing?) and then to a beautiful grassy field and eventually a beach.  My Dad and I were chattering about how no one else was on the beach and how people were so silly not to be hanging out.

Eventually, a flat bed semi truck came to pick up all of my family for a ride along the coast and I kept talking about how beautiful it was.  Josh pulled a laptop out of nowhere and showed me that we were actually in France.  I was sooo excited!  As we were riding along, my family started complaining about everything.  For some reason, two of my old roommates were there.  One of them was holding their baby but decided to let their baby roam.  One of the other roommates said she would watch it but she was careless and the baby fell off the truck as we were riding along.  The kid fell off into some water and started swimming.  Everyone was mad but for some reason I was laughing!  I knew the baby wasn't hurt so it was hilarious!

Later, my family was walking through some beautiful streets and I was trying to take some pictures but my camera was kind of broken.  The old buildings were gorgeous and they opened up into a beautiful panoramic view of a city/valley.  There was a big arch in the background that looked like the Wellington arch.  My family continued to complain about everything but my uncle Henry was cool and asked me to take his picture.  I exclaimed that it was a great idea and someone from my family said, "Well if it's such a good idea, why don't you take a picture instead of taking a picture of us?!"  Clearly people were irritated with my excitement of being in a pretty place.  So, I handed my camera to my Dad to take our picture and then I woke up.

If only I could move to France...

Celebrity Filled Nights

I have been dreaming the last few nights but I've chosen not to post them.  I had some intense dreams of fighting with family and people that I love... so I've chosen not to share them.

Three nights ago...

I found myself in a forest with a river.  It looked like there was a music video being filmed in a nearby tree and Beyonce and Michelle Williams were suspended by wires and dangling sexily from it.  They were wearing neutral colors and singing... that's all.

Two nights ago...

I was traveling somewhere that in my dream told me was Haiti.  It was terrible.  I traveled around the country with my friend Chrissy and we both knew the country was very unstable.  We walked through a rocky desert to a stand that sold fruit and drinks.  I was dying of thirst but I didn't have exact change so the woman at the stand got really mad at me.  Suddenly, we were overtaken by men with guns and Chrissy pulled me to safety.  Gun fire went back and forth between the masked men on a vehicle and the woman and her family at the food stand.  As quickly as it came, it went.  Chrissy and I were left without a way to get around or understand where we were going so she and I started walking away as quickly as we could talking about how crazy the world was and how everyone was ridiculous.  Not such a difference from real life...

Last night...

I don't remember much of my first dream except that I was chasing after Joel McHale.  My husband's favorite show is Community and the last few weeks we've been watching episodes before we go to bed.  I think somehow I've developed a crush on him as I spent all night lusting after him in my dreams.  I remember talking to him and us expressing interest in each other but never actually being in the same place to be able to hang out.  As a married woman, this makes me feel super guilty knowing I spent most of my night chasing after him!  I blame Josh!  The weird thing is that in my dreams, I always remember my morals.  Like, even though I was chasing after Joel, I somehow felt a small voice saying, "don't do anything..."  I like to think my conscience still knows what's going on in my dreams but my brain doesn't listen to it.  The most awkward part of all of this was that my husband was in my dream too but appeared as his 21 year old self.  He had gauged ears and a baby face.  I felt really weird seeing him in my dream while also lusting after "Jeff Winger."  Ugh.

At some point I woke up in the night then I fell back asleep...

In the next part of my dream, I saw Gwen Stefani.  She was shorter than I thought and had pink hair wrapped up in a hat.  She walked into a bathroom/dressing room thing and I looked at Josh and said, "Is that her?!"  he nodded and encouraged me to go so I gave him my coat so I could stalk her.  By the time I turned around to go after her, there were people blocking the door.  For some reason, I thought there was a door into the girls room from the mens room so without hesitation, I walked into the mens room.  There were men around, doing their business at urinals when there was a loud bang behind me.  A guy dressed in green spandex with spiky green hair hurled a laser beam/force field in my direction.  The rest of the dream was a blur but it was a blur of me in a sweet black Tron type outfit doing ninja kicks, dodging lasers, and generally kicking butt.  I impressed my husband as he stood on the side and watched me slay the bad guy.  In the end, I saw Gwen and she talked to me about the crazy ninja dude.  Pretty cool.  

Josh's assessment of my dreams is that 1)  I'm in love with Joel McHale because I had 1 other dream about him months ago.  2)  I'm much more athletic in my dreams than real life.  Hmm...  I just like that I consistently dream about Josh and that I know where he is... even in my dreams.  

London to Hawaii

I don't remember all of my dreams last night... they were pretty spread out...

1) I was walking around Camden in London with my Dad and he was excited about all the market stuff and punks. We found a bunch of good food and after walking for a long time, I found an arch way that lead to the Thames. (Even though in real life, you could not walk out of the Camden markets and into the Thames.) We walked up some steps and there it was... all foggy and beautiful. I took in a deep breath and said, "I've missed London so much... I don't know what it is... i just feel like this is where I belong..." Then my Dad grabbed my hand and pulled me into the water with him. We swam for a few seconds then got out. It wasn't cold... and the water was blueish gray (not brown like in real life). I woke up aching in my heart for London. Seriously. So much.

2) Josh told me he wanted to go to Hawaii so I started planning everything. Somehow I ended up trying to pack everything but couldn't remember stuff. My dad, mom, and I were in the car driving to the airport when I realized I didn't have my passport (even though I didn't need it). I also realized I didn't have a bathing suit packed an a bunch of other things and started to panic. Luckily, I found them all in the car. Something strange that I noticed was as we were driving in, we had to drive in a lane marked "Nevada/France flights."

I don't remember the flight in but after we got to our house in Hawaii, Josh forgot to tell me that he invited all the kids he teaches in high school. Like, 37 kids. I was so mad. I tried to find a place for them to all sleep but said forget it. I realized I didn't pack any shorts so I went out to buy some. I found a bunch of really cute clothes that my grandma said she would come back and buy for me. She also tried to tell me that I needed to dress sexier. Then I woke up...

Long dreams...

Part 1:

I found myself hanging out in a college wandering around. I was with a group of younger people who were acting crazy. I realized I was at a YSA event. I sat on some grass watching the single people make fools out of themselves and leaned over to Timmy and Alise and Nathan and Liz and said "Boy, I do not miss this at all. I'm glad I'm married! This is ridiculous." Just then, my friend Russ who is single leaned over and said, thanks a lot and knocked on my forehead. Strange.

Part 2:

After wandering around at that school trying to get home, I finally found myself at home. I was driving a fancy car but the street was packed and there was ice and I slid around like bumper cars for a bit. Except, I was at the house I used to live in in Orem with a family/friends. Kristy, my roommate, was outside and was having a garage sale of sort. For some reason, I decided to text all of my friends in my phone and people started showing up. Lots of people. Like they thought it was a party. Meanwhile, I didn't know where Josh was. I missed him... and for some reason, I realized that he didn't live with me even though I knew we were married. He lived in a house with roommates that was closer to the school. That made me really sad and I started to miss him.

Back to the party: I sat down on a couch and some friends from high school showed up. Celeste, her sister Becca, and Jenny. Suddenly, I was wearing overalls and I said, "look! I can still fit into the ones in high school!" And Becca said, "Me too!" (So weird.) I walked into the house, squeezing past lots of people, and found some more friends sitting in front of the tv playing video games. John, Matt, Jon, and Jen were hanging out in my living room. I kept talking to Jen about having a girls night but she was distracted by Jon giving her a massage. (SO weird.). Eventually I got really frustrated because I couldn't find Josh and even though I was surrounded by people, he was really the only person I wanted. 

 I woke up and put my arms around him... I felt like I had been without him for days.

Afternoon Miracle

This afternoon I had a headache and was feeling sick so I laid on the couch for a rest.... an hour and a half later I woke up from this lovely dream....

My husband and I had been visiting with an old woman in church and she was telling us about how her health was in decline. She did not have the use of her arms nor her legs very well. She also had back problems. She invited us to something she was going to be a part of and told us we could come after 3.

Josh and I decided to go to this old woman's event and it was an indoor swimming pool. We arrived just in time to see our old woman friend with her husband and another younger man with his wife in the pool. They took a second to say hello and said, "watch!" The younger man then pushed from the side of the pool and swam across to the other side. The old woman then did the same except a little better. They were people who were in some kind of accident and both disabled. They were not able to walk without assistance on land.... but in the pool they could swim on their own. Everyone cried as they witnessed a miracle that had taken place. I was filled with overwhelming feelings of joy as I watched 2 people find something that they could do without assistance from anyone else. It was a miracle.

I woke up when my husband came home from work and my first words to him were that I witnessed a miracle in my dreams. I marveled because I feel that I have never witnessed a miracle happen in my own life. However, the more that I think of it, I know I have. My brother in law was able to baptize his daughter after some big obstacles. My step mother through lots of pain and struggle, was able to give birth to my brother- the most precious little boy I can imagine. I don't know why I had this dream but it was so sweet. If not for any other reason, I'm glad that it can help me remember the miracles I've seen with my eyes open.