FLB Jr.

Last night was a particularly hard dream... I don't remember many of the specifics... maybe because I was traumatized.

All I remember at this point is that I was sleeping with Josh in a strange room when my grandma woke me up.  She told me my grandpa had died.  I asked how and she said he had died in his sleep.  I immediately started crying and I don't remember too much but its as if time flashed forward-

I was talking to my uncles and they weren't upset.  They said had lived a long life and didn't care.  I then started yelling at all of them that this was my GRANDPA we were talking about and their DAD.

Time then flashed back and I was back with my grandma and Josh.  I started shaking Josh to wake him up to tell him the news and I must have been trying to wake him up so hard that I woke myself up.  In the dream, I was tangled in the blankets and when I woke up, I was also tangled.  I started kicking at the blankets in the dream and also kicking them in real life.

Josh started talking to me and said, "Wake up.  It was only a dream... everything is ok..." (He's no stranger to my intense dreams.  I tell ya, being married and having someone with me sure helps me get through it.)  I don't remember anything specific happening after I woke up but just that I cried for about an hour straight.  I was frustrated that no one cared or was sad about my grandpa and I was crying because I felt that I had lost him.  Even typing this, I'm tearing up just thinking about how much he means to me.  He has always been a source of wisdom and fun.  I don't know what I'd do without him.  I just can't imagine it.

So now... what does it all mean???  I've dreamt of various family members dying and it is always hard.  They haven't come true... nor do anything in my dreams come true... I have been meaning to call my grandpa for about a week now... I guess the only meaning that I can pick up from this dream is that I need to not forget to call.  I need to talk to people and show them how much they mean to me.  So, for all of you readers (which are family and friends), I love you!  I called my grandpa and he is alive and well.  He was out mountain bike riding with my uncle Al.  Yay!

The picture is of me and my grandpa in Scotland.  We were on a boat on Loch Ness looking for Nessie!

London to Hawaii

I don't remember all of my dreams last night... they were pretty spread out...

1) I was walking around Camden in London with my Dad and he was excited about all the market stuff and punks. We found a bunch of good food and after walking for a long time, I found an arch way that lead to the Thames. (Even though in real life, you could not walk out of the Camden markets and into the Thames.) We walked up some steps and there it was... all foggy and beautiful. I took in a deep breath and said, "I've missed London so much... I don't know what it is... i just feel like this is where I belong..." Then my Dad grabbed my hand and pulled me into the water with him. We swam for a few seconds then got out. It wasn't cold... and the water was blueish gray (not brown like in real life). I woke up aching in my heart for London. Seriously. So much.

2) Josh told me he wanted to go to Hawaii so I started planning everything. Somehow I ended up trying to pack everything but couldn't remember stuff. My dad, mom, and I were in the car driving to the airport when I realized I didn't have my passport (even though I didn't need it). I also realized I didn't have a bathing suit packed an a bunch of other things and started to panic. Luckily, I found them all in the car. Something strange that I noticed was as we were driving in, we had to drive in a lane marked "Nevada/France flights."

I don't remember the flight in but after we got to our house in Hawaii, Josh forgot to tell me that he invited all the kids he teaches in high school. Like, 37 kids. I was so mad. I tried to find a place for them to all sleep but said forget it. I realized I didn't pack any shorts so I went out to buy some. I found a bunch of really cute clothes that my grandma said she would come back and buy for me. She also tried to tell me that I needed to dress sexier. Then I woke up...