Hugs and Kisses

The last few weeks have been full of mundane dreams.  I'm at the store... I see a friend... I do something boring.  Then about 4 nights ago I started dreaming again...

I start out in a scene that is semi chaotic and moving quickly.  I'm saying goodbye to family and walking out the front door of my Dad's house.  In my dream it's like I had spent a lot of time with the family and was saying goodbye but for some reason, the dream started when I was leaving and I felt cheated.  Josh opens the door to the car for me and I get in.  Suddenly, I realize that I am leaving my family and I don't want to go.  I tell Josh to pull over and run out and start hugging everyone.  I tell him I can't go yet because I haven't hugged and kissed everyone.  


I get out of the car and run to the nearest person, Dana.  I give her a big hug and a kiss and don't want to go.  Then I hug my Dad and aunts.  I see my uncle Lee carrying a car seat with a little baby inside and he says it's his baby.  The baby is a little boy and he has lots of hair and looks a couple weeks old and is gorgeous.  I look down at my other cousins looking on and I see my brother- Cash Monkey!  I say hello and he asks me to pick him up and I scoop him up and hug and kiss him.  I tell him that I love him and miss him and we sit down on a rocking patio chair.  He sits on my lap twists around to put his arms around my neck and rests his head on my chest.  I sit there rocking back and forth as he pats my arm and falls asleep.  My aunt Dee walks up and says, "He's precious isn't he?" and I say, "Yes... I never want to move."  I sit there rocking him until I wake up...


I woke up with blankets wadded up on my chest that felt like the weight of Monkey leaning on me.  I felt so sad.  I adore my little brother... although we aren't even close in age... there is something about him that seems miraculous.  I am a part of a religion that believes that children are innocent and I believe that but it's more than that... I can feel that he is special.  He has the brightest smile and radiates love.  He is special.  I know it.  I miss that little Monkey.