FLB Jr.

Last night was a particularly hard dream... I don't remember many of the specifics... maybe because I was traumatized.

All I remember at this point is that I was sleeping with Josh in a strange room when my grandma woke me up.  She told me my grandpa had died.  I asked how and she said he had died in his sleep.  I immediately started crying and I don't remember too much but its as if time flashed forward-

I was talking to my uncles and they weren't upset.  They said had lived a long life and didn't care.  I then started yelling at all of them that this was my GRANDPA we were talking about and their DAD.

Time then flashed back and I was back with my grandma and Josh.  I started shaking Josh to wake him up to tell him the news and I must have been trying to wake him up so hard that I woke myself up.  In the dream, I was tangled in the blankets and when I woke up, I was also tangled.  I started kicking at the blankets in the dream and also kicking them in real life.

Josh started talking to me and said, "Wake up.  It was only a dream... everything is ok..." (He's no stranger to my intense dreams.  I tell ya, being married and having someone with me sure helps me get through it.)  I don't remember anything specific happening after I woke up but just that I cried for about an hour straight.  I was frustrated that no one cared or was sad about my grandpa and I was crying because I felt that I had lost him.  Even typing this, I'm tearing up just thinking about how much he means to me.  He has always been a source of wisdom and fun.  I don't know what I'd do without him.  I just can't imagine it.

So now... what does it all mean???  I've dreamt of various family members dying and it is always hard.  They haven't come true... nor do anything in my dreams come true... I have been meaning to call my grandpa for about a week now... I guess the only meaning that I can pick up from this dream is that I need to not forget to call.  I need to talk to people and show them how much they mean to me.  So, for all of you readers (which are family and friends), I love you!  I called my grandpa and he is alive and well.  He was out mountain bike riding with my uncle Al.  Yay!

The picture is of me and my grandpa in Scotland.  We were on a boat on Loch Ness looking for Nessie!

France and other sweet things

Lately I've been dreaming A LOT.  Every time I fall asleep and wake up, I've had a dream.  Even if I sleep for an hour, I'll dream.  So, here are a jumble of dreams I've had lately.

1)  There were about 8 people in a small house but I was in the kitchen with Grandma Dianne.  We were sitting at a table and talking for a long time just chatting and drinking lemonade.  It was sweet and lovely.

2)  More arguing and frustrating dreams.... I spent most of this particular dream trying to organize and get ready for what was my UNLV graduation.  I cleaned and put everything in its place until lots of family showed up to stay in my room.  It quickly turned into an unorganized mess.  When I tried to shower and get ready in time and everyone was getting in my way, someone from my family showed up and said, "Hurry up!  If you aren't ready, we'll leave without you.  Let other people get things done too.  This day isn't all about you!"  When clearly it was!  I was the one graduating!  Frustrating...

3) I had a random dream in there where I was in a school room full of random people and 6 guys that I've kissed before.  Ugh.  I spent a good part of the dream trying to dodge all of them.

4)  Speaking of ex-boyfriends, I had a dream about a particular one that called me and wanted to get back together.  I listened to him ramble on about how he was doing this and that and thought it would win me over.  I felt really weird as I said, "Have you not looked at facebook and realized I'm married?!"  He then told me that I should leave whoever I was with for him because we were meant to be together.  I then went on to tell him that he was basically a moron.  You know how in the movie "You've Got Mail" Meg Ryan's character explains that she wish she could tell someone off with what she's feeling in the moment?  Well, in my dream, I did it.  I said all these things about how I married the coolest person on the planet and how he could never compare.  It made me feel pretty good... although I don't think I could ever talk to someone that way in real life...

5)  This last dream, made me wake up with a smile on my face and laughing.

I started out in an apartment that my husband and I were considering buying.  We walked around a beautiful place with a deck.  It had white walls and cobalt blue accents in the kitchen.  It was gorgeous.  Eventually, my family showed up and my uncle Al was walking around telling me how beautiful the place was.  Josh told us it was a steal and decided to put in an offer right away.  We decided to check out the surrounding complex.  It ended up opening up into a high end hostel (is there such a thing?) and then to a beautiful grassy field and eventually a beach.  My Dad and I were chattering about how no one else was on the beach and how people were so silly not to be hanging out.

Eventually, a flat bed semi truck came to pick up all of my family for a ride along the coast and I kept talking about how beautiful it was.  Josh pulled a laptop out of nowhere and showed me that we were actually in France.  I was sooo excited!  As we were riding along, my family started complaining about everything.  For some reason, two of my old roommates were there.  One of them was holding their baby but decided to let their baby roam.  One of the other roommates said she would watch it but she was careless and the baby fell off the truck as we were riding along.  The kid fell off into some water and started swimming.  Everyone was mad but for some reason I was laughing!  I knew the baby wasn't hurt so it was hilarious!

Later, my family was walking through some beautiful streets and I was trying to take some pictures but my camera was kind of broken.  The old buildings were gorgeous and they opened up into a beautiful panoramic view of a city/valley.  There was a big arch in the background that looked like the Wellington arch.  My family continued to complain about everything but my uncle Henry was cool and asked me to take his picture.  I exclaimed that it was a great idea and someone from my family said, "Well if it's such a good idea, why don't you take a picture instead of taking a picture of us?!"  Clearly people were irritated with my excitement of being in a pretty place.  So, I handed my camera to my Dad to take our picture and then I woke up.

If only I could move to France...

Celebrity Filled Nights

I have been dreaming the last few nights but I've chosen not to post them.  I had some intense dreams of fighting with family and people that I love... so I've chosen not to share them.

Three nights ago...

I found myself in a forest with a river.  It looked like there was a music video being filmed in a nearby tree and Beyonce and Michelle Williams were suspended by wires and dangling sexily from it.  They were wearing neutral colors and singing... that's all.

Two nights ago...

I was traveling somewhere that in my dream told me was Haiti.  It was terrible.  I traveled around the country with my friend Chrissy and we both knew the country was very unstable.  We walked through a rocky desert to a stand that sold fruit and drinks.  I was dying of thirst but I didn't have exact change so the woman at the stand got really mad at me.  Suddenly, we were overtaken by men with guns and Chrissy pulled me to safety.  Gun fire went back and forth between the masked men on a vehicle and the woman and her family at the food stand.  As quickly as it came, it went.  Chrissy and I were left without a way to get around or understand where we were going so she and I started walking away as quickly as we could talking about how crazy the world was and how everyone was ridiculous.  Not such a difference from real life...

Last night...

I don't remember much of my first dream except that I was chasing after Joel McHale.  My husband's favorite show is Community and the last few weeks we've been watching episodes before we go to bed.  I think somehow I've developed a crush on him as I spent all night lusting after him in my dreams.  I remember talking to him and us expressing interest in each other but never actually being in the same place to be able to hang out.  As a married woman, this makes me feel super guilty knowing I spent most of my night chasing after him!  I blame Josh!  The weird thing is that in my dreams, I always remember my morals.  Like, even though I was chasing after Joel, I somehow felt a small voice saying, "don't do anything..."  I like to think my conscience still knows what's going on in my dreams but my brain doesn't listen to it.  The most awkward part of all of this was that my husband was in my dream too but appeared as his 21 year old self.  He had gauged ears and a baby face.  I felt really weird seeing him in my dream while also lusting after "Jeff Winger."  Ugh.

At some point I woke up in the night then I fell back asleep...

In the next part of my dream, I saw Gwen Stefani.  She was shorter than I thought and had pink hair wrapped up in a hat.  She walked into a bathroom/dressing room thing and I looked at Josh and said, "Is that her?!"  he nodded and encouraged me to go so I gave him my coat so I could stalk her.  By the time I turned around to go after her, there were people blocking the door.  For some reason, I thought there was a door into the girls room from the mens room so without hesitation, I walked into the mens room.  There were men around, doing their business at urinals when there was a loud bang behind me.  A guy dressed in green spandex with spiky green hair hurled a laser beam/force field in my direction.  The rest of the dream was a blur but it was a blur of me in a sweet black Tron type outfit doing ninja kicks, dodging lasers, and generally kicking butt.  I impressed my husband as he stood on the side and watched me slay the bad guy.  In the end, I saw Gwen and she talked to me about the crazy ninja dude.  Pretty cool.  

Josh's assessment of my dreams is that 1)  I'm in love with Joel McHale because I had 1 other dream about him months ago.  2)  I'm much more athletic in my dreams than real life.  Hmm...  I just like that I consistently dream about Josh and that I know where he is... even in my dreams.  

London to Hawaii

I don't remember all of my dreams last night... they were pretty spread out...

1) I was walking around Camden in London with my Dad and he was excited about all the market stuff and punks. We found a bunch of good food and after walking for a long time, I found an arch way that lead to the Thames. (Even though in real life, you could not walk out of the Camden markets and into the Thames.) We walked up some steps and there it was... all foggy and beautiful. I took in a deep breath and said, "I've missed London so much... I don't know what it is... i just feel like this is where I belong..." Then my Dad grabbed my hand and pulled me into the water with him. We swam for a few seconds then got out. It wasn't cold... and the water was blueish gray (not brown like in real life). I woke up aching in my heart for London. Seriously. So much.

2) Josh told me he wanted to go to Hawaii so I started planning everything. Somehow I ended up trying to pack everything but couldn't remember stuff. My dad, mom, and I were in the car driving to the airport when I realized I didn't have my passport (even though I didn't need it). I also realized I didn't have a bathing suit packed an a bunch of other things and started to panic. Luckily, I found them all in the car. Something strange that I noticed was as we were driving in, we had to drive in a lane marked "Nevada/France flights."

I don't remember the flight in but after we got to our house in Hawaii, Josh forgot to tell me that he invited all the kids he teaches in high school. Like, 37 kids. I was so mad. I tried to find a place for them to all sleep but said forget it. I realized I didn't pack any shorts so I went out to buy some. I found a bunch of really cute clothes that my grandma said she would come back and buy for me. She also tried to tell me that I needed to dress sexier. Then I woke up...

Shock waves

Last night I could NOT fall asleep. My bed seems uncomfortable, then my pillows, then my shoulders, then my back. Is this part of getting old?! Anyways, I didn't fall asleep till around 3-4am last night. I wonder if when I go to sleep has an effect on my dreams....

I was in a battlefield! I was walking around what seemed like an auditorium and classrooms when myself and a crowd of about 200 people heard strange noises outside. It was dark and windy... Suddenly, a loud noise pierced the air and a shock wave came rippling towards us. Other people didn't seem to see it put I knew it would do damage so I ran to stand behind a building and told others to do the same. They just stood and watched though... As the shock wave came through the air, it picked people up off their feet and tossed them around before dropping them. I held on tight to where I was as I realized that all those people were dead.

After the wave passed, I ran through various scenes that all had the same result. I would get inside a building as a spot to rest while running on foot, when there would be a sound that signified whatever beast it was was there. There would be flashes of light and then dead people all over the ground. After running for what seemed like hours, I found myself at my cousin's house and tried to warn them. As we all came together, I saw 4 different girls in my family who were wearing wedding dresses and somehow we all knew we would be a target so everyone split it different directions. Almost instantly I could hear people screaming and knew whatever it was was getting close. I decided to hide instead of outrun it. I dove inside a small closet and covered myself in blankets. I could hear something approaching and the door opened and suddenly, Beyonce popped out of the other side of the closet and yelled some kind of spell! She was a witch! She hit a death eater of sorts and we ran out together. She taught me a bunch of spells and helped each other get away. It was crazy. I never actually saw what it was that was trying to hurt everyone...

Note: I have received some questions about what Beyonce was like. She wasn't Sasha Fierce, she was herself. Her skin was dirty and he hair all crazy... yet she was wearing a gray tank top and sparkly blue hot pants. Kinda wish she was also able to teach me how to make my booty bounce like in the Crazy in Love video...

Long dreams...

Part 1:

I found myself hanging out in a college wandering around. I was with a group of younger people who were acting crazy. I realized I was at a YSA event. I sat on some grass watching the single people make fools out of themselves and leaned over to Timmy and Alise and Nathan and Liz and said "Boy, I do not miss this at all. I'm glad I'm married! This is ridiculous." Just then, my friend Russ who is single leaned over and said, thanks a lot and knocked on my forehead. Strange.

Part 2:

After wandering around at that school trying to get home, I finally found myself at home. I was driving a fancy car but the street was packed and there was ice and I slid around like bumper cars for a bit. Except, I was at the house I used to live in in Orem with a family/friends. Kristy, my roommate, was outside and was having a garage sale of sort. For some reason, I decided to text all of my friends in my phone and people started showing up. Lots of people. Like they thought it was a party. Meanwhile, I didn't know where Josh was. I missed him... and for some reason, I realized that he didn't live with me even though I knew we were married. He lived in a house with roommates that was closer to the school. That made me really sad and I started to miss him.

Back to the party: I sat down on a couch and some friends from high school showed up. Celeste, her sister Becca, and Jenny. Suddenly, I was wearing overalls and I said, "look! I can still fit into the ones in high school!" And Becca said, "Me too!" (So weird.) I walked into the house, squeezing past lots of people, and found some more friends sitting in front of the tv playing video games. John, Matt, Jon, and Jen were hanging out in my living room. I kept talking to Jen about having a girls night but she was distracted by Jon giving her a massage. (SO weird.). Eventually I got really frustrated because I couldn't find Josh and even though I was surrounded by people, he was really the only person I wanted. 

 I woke up and put my arms around him... I felt like I had been without him for days.

Bite!

I don't remember much of last night's dream. I couldn't fall asleep and it was about 2:30 am so I popped a sleeping pill. I'll have to see how much that effects my dreams...

I started out with my extended family somewhere. Then I was on a hill wandering around and a snake surprised me and I held out my hands while I was trying to back away and the snake struck me 3 times. Twice on my left hand at the base of my thumb and once on the same place but on my right hand. In my dream I kept thinking that I knew it wasn't a rattlesnake so I had some time. I knew I was in the middle of nowhere but getting help would be hard... I tried to remain calm as I waited for my family to find me but I started to panic... I could feel myself slowly slipping away and fainting... I tried to be strong and stay alert but the feeling was strong. Then, seamlessly, I slowly started to awake with pains in my hands still.

Monkey

This is the dream that kicked me in the butt to start a dream blog. I dreamt this on 1/10/11.

I was at a small college that I heard was giving away t-shirts. I went to get a shirt but they tricked me and said that the only shirts they had could fit a child under 4. I told them to give me a shirt anyways cause I could give it to my little brother. It was blue and had bulldogs on it. Later, I met my step mom Dana and my little brother Cash that we call Monkey on the top of a double decker bus and we put the shirt on monkey and he really liked it. He was clapping his hands and I said, "Do you want to dance, Monkey?" and he said in a very clear excited voice, "Okay!" This is particularly cool because he hasn't started talking yet and Dana and I were shocked. We stood up and started dancing crazy. Dana was watching us dance and laughing hysterically. Then the bus started driving somewhere and Dana said, "You guys are crazy!!! Be careful!" We were dancing and stumbling all over but having fun. I woke up while we were still dancing and giggling on the bus and I woke up with a jolt so I giggled before I realized it was a dream. I immediately welled up with tears wishing it was real and that I was with both of them. It was a lovely dream...

Today I have been thinking about bulldogs and they seem familiar to me. I looked up the college where my grandpa went to school and I found out that... the mascot is a bulldog. I don't know how my brain makes those connections but it is quite touching.

This is Dana and Monkey during Christmas...

Afternoon Miracle

This afternoon I had a headache and was feeling sick so I laid on the couch for a rest.... an hour and a half later I woke up from this lovely dream....

My husband and I had been visiting with an old woman in church and she was telling us about how her health was in decline. She did not have the use of her arms nor her legs very well. She also had back problems. She invited us to something she was going to be a part of and told us we could come after 3.

Josh and I decided to go to this old woman's event and it was an indoor swimming pool. We arrived just in time to see our old woman friend with her husband and another younger man with his wife in the pool. They took a second to say hello and said, "watch!" The younger man then pushed from the side of the pool and swam across to the other side. The old woman then did the same except a little better. They were people who were in some kind of accident and both disabled. They were not able to walk without assistance on land.... but in the pool they could swim on their own. Everyone cried as they witnessed a miracle that had taken place. I was filled with overwhelming feelings of joy as I watched 2 people find something that they could do without assistance from anyone else. It was a miracle.

I woke up when my husband came home from work and my first words to him were that I witnessed a miracle in my dreams. I marveled because I feel that I have never witnessed a miracle happen in my own life. However, the more that I think of it, I know I have. My brother in law was able to baptize his daughter after some big obstacles. My step mother through lots of pain and struggle, was able to give birth to my brother- the most precious little boy I can imagine. I don't know why I had this dream but it was so sweet. If not for any other reason, I'm glad that it can help me remember the miracles I've seen with my eyes open.

Take a Bow.

This is a random first post... but then again... this whole blog idea will be a little strange...

I found myself in a house I have never been in before. My whole extended family was there and in each room, there was a different wild animal. I saw peacocks and llamas. In one room I walked into, I didn't see anything so I was a little afraid. Next thing I knew, I could feel something crawling up my back.... it was a porcupine! I was screaming and trying to get it off me. It wasn't that I was really afraid of it... it just caught me off guard.

Another part of my dream had me trying to leave my grandparents house from vacation but I had a hard time rounding up all of my things... I just kept finding my stuff all over the house! I think this particularly contrasts with my personality because I like keeping my things in one place when I go on vacation because I don't want to leave anything behind. I HATE when I lose things.

The last part of my dream saw me watching a soccer game. It was an orange team against a blue team and the orange team was kicking butt and scored a goal. I don't remember anything else except that there were people kicking a ball around the sides of the pitch who shouldn't have been but nothing happened.

No idea why but I woke up with Madonna's song "Take a Bow" in my head.... weird.